Time to wake up

( Intro to Chapter 1: Family )

1. Whom do I consider to be my family? How many families am I a part of? List every person whom you consider to be a part of your family - be it your family of origin, the family you've created through marriage, the family you hope to create, or your families of choice.

Holy cow, this is gonna be long.

Families I am a part of:

Blood relatives:
(note: my brain is swiss-cheesy sometimes, I usually know all these peoples' names, but they are not necessarily coming to me right now, and some of them I only see at weddings & funerals.)
The Noarks: Dad, Aunt Gerry, Unkle Mike, Mema, Marcus & his wife Darlene, Joey, Lee.
The Ballouns: Mom, Aunt Diane, Meme, Step-dad Merlin, Great Aunt Mary Joe & Uncle Harry, Harry Lee, Robert, Great Uncle Ralph & Aunt Yvonne, Sandra Kay & J.D. & 2 kids, John & Minna & Sabrina & Stacy, Jim Bill & wife & 2 boys, Great Aunt Linda, Debbie & Steve, Bobby & wife & 2 kids, Kenneth & Lisa & 2 kids, Kathy & hubby & kid, Mary Beth & John & 2 kids, Great Aunt Carol & Uncle David, David Jr. & Sheila & about to be baby, Elicia & Brian & 2 kids, Julie & Ray & 2 kids.
The Larsen clan: Cathy, Megan & Matt, Donna & Dave, Mike & Jenny, Jen.

Mom's old friends: Sue & Buddy, Angela & Ronnie & 2 girls, Dorothea, Vanessa, Valerie, Paula, Carolyn, Karla, Cynthia.

Married family: Brian, Linda, Jim, Tiff & Shaun & Jimmy, Chris & Danielle, T.J., Aunt Carol & Uncle Bill, Chet & Dawn & Amanda & A.J., Bill Ed & Judy, Brent & wife & son, Carl & sons, Butch & Jonathan & (dammit, brain fart, I like her!), Curtis, Becky & Mike & Max & Ben, Paul & Jenny & McKenna, Emily & Ryan & 3 girls.

Okay, that's part one. I gotta actually do some work, I'll get to the rest of it in a bit. And yes, it's boring for you, my dear LJ family, but you don't actually gotta read it, it's for me.

I have been quiet on LJ for a while, I have a buncha buncha stuff clunking around in my head, and I haven't been ready to put it into words. But it's time to start trying.

I was talking to John Juan yesterday, in general having an identity crisis, and in his wonderfully clear, succinct, exactly what I need to hear way, said "Well, there are two questions. Most people answer them in the wrong order, but the second is much easier to answer if you know the answer to the first. The first is: Where am I going? The second is: Who is going with me?"

I have been trying to figure out what I want, where I want to be, who I want to be with, why am I doing all this, what is my purpose, but have had no clue really where to start. I know it involves getting out of my head & giving my inner voice the opportunity to be heard, but of course I keep THINKING about it, which is really not very useful. And, of course, I was trying to answer the two questions out of order. So, in either a pragmatic, logical approach, or an attempt to distract my thinking self long enough to let my feeling self get a word in edgewise, I have given myself an assignment.

I bought the book "The Hard Questions for an Authentic Life" by Susan Piver about a year ago, and promptly put it on a shelf and forgot about it. I do that. Buy books impulsively, then find that they are just what I need a good amount of time later. So, I have this book.

Summary: What does it mean to live authentically? Living authentically is what you're doing when you find congruence between your inner world: your feelings, values, gifts, needs, spirituality, and passions, and your outer world: your job, relationships, home, and community. When you live an authentic life, these things support and synergize each other. It doesn't mean that you have no worries, conflicts, or fears; you may even have more as you choose to live authentically. There is one key difference, though: they no longer have the power to unseat you. When you have discovered what you can offer to others, when you feel that we are on your unique path, when you have an ongoing, honest, reliable connection to your inner wisdom, then you have found your unique spot in this world with all its craziness, sorrow, and joy. This discovery gives tremendous ease. You finally have a way of relating to work, lovers, friends, and spiritual practices with open-heartedness and intelligence. Problems, no matter how intense, are workable.

Sounds like it could be good, or a load of crap. But I'm gonna go with good for now, doing a little soul-searching may not make my worries and fears unable to unseat me, but it certainly couldn't hurt. And hopefully this will get me a little closer to the "Where am I going?" answer.

Next post, question 1.

Edit: I invite any who are interested to play along. I by no means will be on a schedule, I'm gonna take as much time as I take for each question, but if yer playing along and get impatient, lemme know, I'll post a new one for you.